Why Marry Early and Have Kids Young?

Okay so we’ve been asked (or advised)– why have kids so early? You should enjoy singlehood! Party hard! Travel the world while you are young and have the time to. We (hubby Mel and I) also asked ourselves, why really?

Hmmm... It's crazy but we are already in it. But why? IT IS BECAUSE maybe we kind of wanted to retire early (from work) and to travel together -- w/ our kids after we retire. We're doing things the other way around. Maybe we want to have a kid while we have the energy to babysit and play w/ hyper kids or relate to teens when we ourselves are still 'kinda' teens. Party hard? We party even harder now and hundred times more happier coz we finally live together and baby Ace also joins partying with us. We have our "SHATurdays" Photo album on Facebook (pero huwag tularan mga bata.hehe). We bring the party at home, and not anymore on bars and clubs. And sometimes, it's just okay not to party at all. Snuggling w/ each other on our cozy family bed after a movie date at our living room is pretty much better, and less expensive!

Seriously, when people ask something like this, we feel they are treating us as dumbasses, not thinking and not planning for a good life. But that's okay. We don't blame them coz we know that they have different views. And that "good life" they mean is mostly money-centered. But hey, FYI, we are thinking. All these, from the pregnancy and the marriage... these are all planned, actually. Years of planning and analysis. So just let us work it out. Again, we're no dumbasses and let us remind you, this is 'OUR' HAPPY LIFE. We both decided (we actually did) to have a child early on, and despite everything that has happened in the last few years, we wouldn’t have changed that. Oh we so love our life with Ace! We support having children in the age of 20-25 because of possibilities of keeping up a good relationship with them during childhood. It’s really significant having positive and mutual bonds between parents and their kids. And small age difference can only help in that case. Beside that, you can prepare yourself to later decision of having another child because you have somehow had an experience already. (2013 UPDATE: We already have our 2nd child, Coy.)

We constantly hear about waiting to have kids until one can “afford” them or is “ready” for them. But for us, the joy of parenthood is always being just a little unready. Older professional parents tend to be so rigid and conformist. Everything by the book. Not so cool. Others tend to be so rich financially, while compromising quality parenting (overworked parents or those stucked to work overtime, or abroad, away from child for years), not knowing that they are creating creatures called SPOILED CHILDREN (that's an active link for my blog post about it.)

Still don't get what we mean? Worry not, you don't have to "get" it in the first place coz it's not YOUR challenge and definitely not YOUR reward.

We just thought that, if we have children after the age of 30, then when we are 40+ our kids are still young and we are losing our vitality, patience and energy to keep up with them (knowing that the Generation Z is super hype. Well good luck to us!). We are now 23 and have a toddler. By the time we are 45, our eldest will be taking care of herself-- a professional and happily married, if not a nun. We also simply didn’t want to be parents who can't even stand up due to arthritis or worse, seated on a wheelchair with O2 inhalation via nasal cannula during our kid's debut party. I know it's exaggerated but it happens to some (and it's horrible, some kids are left orphans because of parents dying early-- or maybe not that early, it's just NORMAL to die on our 40s considering that the human lifespan is getting shorter nowadays due to a lot of lifestyle and environmental factors). Or like our very own parents that are almost retirees but are still having to pay for the tuition fees of their "babies" that are in high school and college. Yes, BABIES, our little sisters are still so young. BUT JUST A REMINDER: I AM NOT GENERALIZING, many older parents are very good parents. But again, that does not mean that the younger ones can't be that good. FOR us, we wanted to be there with them (our kid/s), with an excitement of youth still in my mind, so we could just simply grow up altogether. We admit that we are not right (we are so wrong) coz we did not prioritize our career, our houses, cars, gadgets, financing our little sister's schooling FIRST. But that does not mean we can't do something good (being right isn't always good and being wrong isn't always bad, if you get what I mean. Yes, I am a crazy writer. hehe). 

As for me, I really did my best to prioritize my profession (that damn license). I got pregnant at the same time I took & PASSED the board exam, i just did not pursue my parent's dream of me working abroad (and so i could support my younger sister's schooling). But i am way much better compared to that of a "highschool lang ang tinapos" young teen mom. Mel also did his best working and waiting for years at Manila to have his family's dream job for him (same w/ me, work abroad to support younger sister's schooling --Parentification that is, I'm blogging about it next time). BUT DESTINY BROUGHT US HERE-- TO BE TOGETHER: ONE HAPPY FAMILY, NO MATTER WHAT.

We figured out that kids are forever, and a career simply is not. 

So grab the opportunity for what’s really important in life while you can. You familiar w/ this quote? People don’t say on their deathbeds, “I wish I’d worked longer hours.” They say,”I wish I’d spent more time with my family.” See? That is also one thing that we've analized for years and years. That the most important things on earth are NOT THINGS (i've read that from Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life). And that evrything in life will fall apart, coz the only thing permanent in life is FAMILY (i've read that from Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love). Ok, blame my being overly "pilosopa" attitude to the books I read! haha

As a conclusion, although we're happier now, we know this marriage and parenthood that we started early on is just ain't easy. Sure it means at times we struggle, but hey, life wasn’t meant to be easy, and we certainly know that for sure! ;]

The Future of Spoiled Children

I have no intention to make the first post on this blog as a gossip. haha But oh well, this is for information purposes. There's this guy I know that have impregnated a girl three times already, just within a 3-year period! But before that, this guy had already impregnated three other girls, each of them has one child w/ him. All these, (the six kids) they were all created within a 6-year period, so meaning, that guy had one new child every year. It's crazy. But it's true. I was able to have a conversation w/ the guy and he was really the happy-go-lucky bad-boy type, and has forever been on 3rd (or 2nd) year college. Also had a chat w/ this guy's mother, who was so devastated w/ his son's doings but she got nothing to do but to accept these and accept him-- he's her child, of course. Just let it be. Besides, she really can do nothing because she's not w/ his son. She had worked all her life abroad just to give his 'only child' (and I suppose he's also a 'spoiled child') all the things he needed. ALL THE THINGS.

But I can't believe I am sharing this kind of article, like who am I? I might just be another spoiled brat myself! But this is important. And I'm just sharing this article that I found online (http://expertscolumn.com) coz I am one concerned citizen. As a parent, I believe this might help my fellow parents prevent further production of spoiled children which in time transforms into ROTTEN ADULTS (Oh, so they have a future tense for 'spoiled children' huh!) Let our children also be aware because the effects are DEVASTATING and IRREVERSIBLE both to themselves, their poor parents and to the society.

As a child, I can relate somehow. Well again, speaking of spoiled-ness, I admit that I am one of them. Slight (hehe tatawad pa?) Yes coz I wanna get what I want, especially when I know that my father (when he was still a dollar-earner seaman) gives me whatever I want no matter what I do. But not at ALL times. And it stopped when I myself became a parent already. I am saved, somehow. And at least I'm not to the WORSE type of spoiled child maybe because afterall, despite the fact that I married and got pregnant early, I was able to finish college and have a professional license before that. And I never did and never will take illegal drugs and is never ever sexually promiscuous. And by the way, the guy's 7th child is coming out soon, with a new girl. Wow!

HERE'S THE ARTICLE:

Signs of a Spoiled Child

  

Overindulged and pampered children may grow up spoiled, unhappy and unable to handle life’s challenges. Psychologist Bruce Baldwin calls these youngsters the "cornucopia kids" because they expect life to be like a cornucopia, or horn of plenty — providing them with an endless supply of good things they don’t have to work for."

In this age the number of spoiled children has grown to epidemic proportions, although parents of spoiled children would rather not admit this. Children with cornucopia complexes grow up with the expectation, based on experience, that the good life will always be available for the asking —without effort and without need for personal accountability." Thus when they face the adult world, "cornucopia kids" fail as they are unable to handle challenges, tend and get fired from jobs and are more likely to turn to alcoholics or drug addicts.

Much of the blame, according to Baldwin, must be heaped upon parents. Parents have a tendency to choose to favor or prioritize the development of their career over than the emotional growth of their children. Because of this, with the meager time spent with their children, they "shower" the kids with things and favors to make up for the neglect, hoping to ease their guilt.

Spoiled children are a product of parents who lack discipline. Nothing happens even if the youngsters misbehave. And since a parent, or a hired nanny, does everything for the children, the children never learn to be responsible.

Here are signs of a spoiled child:

1) They get bored easily and have trouble entertaining themselves.

2) They expect to get everything they want when they want it, and complain bitterly if they don’t get the best.

3) They have little sincere compassion or sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others. They respond only to their own needs.

4) They have little self-discipline, so they’re prone to try things like liquor, drugs, promiscuous sex, and other excessive self indulgent behaviors.

5) Deceit and lying are normal. The child learns to lie knowing his parents will want to see through the lie.

6) They don’t expect to pay for the consequences of their actions.

7) If the going gets rough, they quit. They are unable to follow through long-term goals such as saving money or keeping a job.

It is very important that we make our children experience our love as well as how to handle disappointments and responsibility. Parents have a great responsibility in preparing children to become responsible adults.